mosche da bar

it was 1.45am when i decided to leave.
i got my stuff, put the jacket on an went out. i needed to breathe, i needed to move, to walk, i couldn't sit anymore.i left.
it was cold outside, enough for me, enough to enjoy my breathing cloud and to blow it more. it took the color of the night and the street's lights and the stars, visible from there, and the green lights of that descending piece of snapshot of the Verrazano bridge.
Walking, everything needed to feel free, free from mind, free from life. hands in the pockets, the collar up, to cover the hears, and hair up in a samurai style.
only black cabs driving their ways, looking for clients like street's moving hookers in black, black-leathered inside: wheel-shadows slowly splashing on their sides the lights reflected on the street like puddles after
i walked because i wanted it, thinking without focusing, feeling the cold, feeling myself, the best entity i've ever felt in my life.
not tired, as usual, never tired. why? i stopped asking myself why, i do not care. i walked, alone: i can move faster or slower, moving like a shadow, listing at sounds, fearing there could be someone on my back, stepping on the crunching leaves, looking at the black corners, at suddens movements, and i can keep breathing in the cold.
rumbling around i saw an irish pub: it was not the first time i noticed it, not the first time i wanted to enter. it was there, open at 2am, irish in brooklyn. why do not enter? because it late. late for what? for sleeping. Am i tired? no. What am i waiting for? Why do not i enter? what is keeping me out? my mind. Why? because it says i should not because i do not have any reason. Do i need a reason? no. So, then, can i enter in there? yes. What am i thinking? movies, scenes, lonely people who get a drink in the middle of the night because the are alone. Do i feel alone? no, i did not say that, i am alone, it is different, it is not bad. Want I feel for real all those feelings i've only smelt through books and movies and songs and imagination? let's see how it tastes: i'd like to be in ireland now.
I entered the bar: immediately a whiff of smoke and rap music crashed into my nose and my ears. A huge man was standing in front of the bar, drinking a bud light, beard and short fair hair. few people inside: the barman, hispanic ghetto guy, his probably wife, american, blond, as large as a rubber dinghy; a 50-years-old lady at the end of the bar, in a funky red sweater, looked at me with her sliding-down eyes, half drunk half sleepy; another girl on the bar, close to the red lady, talking to the barman's wife, maybe her sister, on the same way of getting her bottom as large as a 2 sits one. Another young girl looked at me as i entered and then started playing darts with an hidden man i could not see at all. I thought to old inn and new irish pubs, people laughing and talking and music from fiddles and flutes and bodhráns...while everything i could get was 50cent and a "smartass" from the barman to his lady.
the lady came to take my order and i asked for a guinnes, the only taste of ireland i could only get. she prepared my drink, half drunk: she looked at me and said:"three steps: it gets ready in three steps". i smiled and answered yes, at the time, at that point it did not care. i wanted vomit them all my being disappointed, angry, pissed off: they took possession or inherited something do not belong to them at all, not that night, while i was looking for a kind of peace, a rest, that only that pub in waterford gave me.
they, with their rap music, were as fake as my smile when i said her :"yes". they were nothing and they were not supposed to be anything. change your name, your drinks, the bottle you have. take all the wood bar out, the chair, the pretending-being-an irish-puh atmosphere you have inside, keep drinking your bud light and your shot of shit.
i rolled up my legs on the stool and i started thinking and remembering and surrounding myself of sweet memories and then it popped out of my mind a movie, exactly what i was feeling when i decided to enter: "trees lounge", "mosche da bar".
i finished my beer, paid my bill and went out: i got everything for that night.

posted by io @ 4:11 PM